Managing an ADHD family often means balancing heightened emotions and unexpected conflicts over, well, anything—sometimes even a toothbrush!
When Small Triggers Spark Big Reactions
The other day, a conflict erupted between my kids over a toothbrush. Yes, a free toothbrush my daughter got while trick-or-treating. My son, needing a new toothbrush, asked if he could have it, and she reluctantly agreed. The trouble started when she opened it for him, “stealing” the satisfaction of unboxing it himself. What followed was a 20-minute attempt to reason with my son, only for us both to end up more frustrated. Reflecting on it, I realize I should have taken a step back instead of feeding into the conflict—lesson learned.
How Small Conflicts Set the Tone
That toothbrush debacle set the tone for the entire day. My son argued with me at every correction and each time his sister bothered him. By dinner, I was exhausted. In an attempt to reset the atmosphere, I took him and his sister on a calming walk. It worked for a short while. I then separated them to prevent further friction, I also removed myself from the area he was in. This led to a meltdown. I rejected it and gave no response. It reminded me that while emotions may run high, reinforcing calm behaviors—and not feeding into arguments—can make all the difference.
Why ADHD Drama Can Be a Coping Mechanism
ADHD kids, especially teens, often get pulled into drama or conflict because it stimulates their brains and gives them a quick dopamine fix. Sometimes, it’s easier for them to focus on external battles than on internal worries they’re avoiding. After he recovered from the meltdown, my son revealed he was worried about the tension he sensed between my husband and me since we moved. This concern had led him to take on the “emotional responsibility” for everyone, heightening his stress and prompting more frequent arguments.
My son explained:
“I’ve been upset since we moved. Everything bothers me, and I worry that my reactions will cause problems between you and dad or make Harper hate me. So, I argue to convince you that I’m not the cause of any problems—even though I know all this arguing is causing problems. If I can make you believe I’m not the problem, everything will be okay.”
This logic might seem circular, but for an ADHD mind, it makes perfect sense. My husband even related to it, acknowledging that defending against perceived blame is a common reaction for him, too.
Moving Forward: Helping Your ADHD Teen Process Emotions
After things settled down, we discussed his triggers and brainstormed ways to manage them better next time. It’s a process that requires patience and repetition, but the goal is to help him recognize his stressors and choose healthier ways to cope.
Tips for Managing ADHD-Related Conflict
Embrace Nature Time
Spending time outdoors can be the ultimate emotional regulator. Let your kids explore and play until they’re worn out. Nature provides a gentle dopamine boost without overstimulation.
Limit Screen Time
If moods are dysregulated or fidgeting is off the charts, it might be time to turn off the screens. Phones can fuel the “need” for conflict by constantly overstimulating ADHD brains. My advice? Flip phones work just fine!
Encourage Art Activities
Art projects can be great for concentration and mood. Let them find a picture or tutorial to recreate, then color or paint it. Just be prepared—they may get so immersed that the house goes blissfully quiet for a while!
Do a Puzzle Together
My ADHD teen enjoys puzzles. Not only do they provide mental engagement, but they’re also a calming way to spend quality time. Switch them out frequently to keep the interest high.
Reset Their Room Regularly
A messy space can add to their mental clutter. Every two weeks, help them clean, organize, vacuum, and dust their room. A tidy environment promotes a better mood, sleep, and a sense of accomplishment.
BONUS TIP
It’s okay to express feelings, but not to be mean. Taking emotions out on the rest of the house is NEVER acceptable. Make it clear that your feelings matter, but it's not okay to be a jerk to everyone. Help them understand triggers and how to respond to them properly.
Trust the Process and Keep Learning
ADHD logic might seem nonsensical to an outsider, but that doesn’t mean we can’t learn from it. Educating ourselves allows us to respond in ways that work for our kids and build routines that foster stability. Staying calm, consistent, and patient is key. Progress isn’t linear, and that’s okay—one difficult moment doesn’t define the day. Keep practicing and remember you’re not alone on this journey.
Want more tips? Subscribe to our newsletter to keep up with the latest parenting tips and support for your ADHD fam!
Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog is for general informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. While we strive to provide accurate and up-to-date content, this blog is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider regarding any medical concerns or conditions you or your child may have. Never disregard or delay seeking professional medical advice based on something you have read in this blog. Reliance on any information provided here is solely of your own free will.
Comments